Ambrose Bierce

"Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic."

- "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce, journalist, author and satirist

Ambrose Bierce

"Lawyer, n.: One skilled in circumvention of the law"

- "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce, journalist, author and satirist

Ambrose Bierce

"Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen."

"The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce, journalist, author and satirist

Ambrose Bierce

"Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion."

- "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce, journalist, author and satirist

Ambrose Bierce

"Optimist, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white."

- "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce, journalist, author and satirist

Ambrose Bierce

"Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments."

- "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce, journalist, author and satirist

Ambrose Bierce

"Optimism, n. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly."

- "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce, journalist, author and satirist

Ambrose Bierce

"Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion."

- "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce, journalist, author and satirist

Ambrose Bierce

"Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing."

- "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce, journalist, author and satirist

Ambrose Bierce

"Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another."

- "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce, journalist, author and satirist

Ambrose Bierce

"Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles."

- "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce, journalist, author and satirist

Ambrose Bierce

"Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."

- "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce, journalist, author and satirist

Ambrose Bierce

"Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy."

- "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce, journalist, author and satirist

Ambrose Bierce

"Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think."

- "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce, journalist, author, satirist